Three days. Dark room. Oil Lamp.
3 books. 2 cups of coffee. Little or no dinner. One laptop. 1000 movies. Mess all
around including me. Oddly calm I have been in these three days, trying to
explore and understand the universe of a locked room. What is it? What feeling?
What do I want out of being alone and enjoying my own silence. There are a lot
of things rushing like a blood gushes in my head. I have never been like this. My
anger, my bitterness spurts like a poison when am upset. This time tears whooshed
out in intervals as it formed a crescendo every time. I can’t stay quiet for
long. Maybe because I gave up, I resisted and I thought it is time to introspect
and retrospect.
I thought thought and re-thought.
It wasn’t an unusual activity for me, because I do it every day but this time I
was deep into my thoughts. I was enjoying my isolated nights. As if I were on a
night sabbatical. What was the conclusion? Nothing! I could not understand the grief
and the solution to the grief. But all I could figure out was that the world is
so troubled. Everyone is so lost. Lost in their dreams, their desires, their
angst, their cognition, and their ego. No one is able to maintain the
interpersonal hook to his/her life engaging soul. It might be a chum, partner,
better half or a room sharer.
I remember never being so
cloistered ever. There was always someone lending a helping shoulder or a word
of wisdom. But it was rejuvenating and refreshing in its own way. As if I got a
time out for myself. Time to revive from the old and find something new. A new
interest. A new job. A new room. A new way. A new me. Not a pseudo self but a
better me. The day moves at such a fast pace as if we are living on a fast lane
that we don’t get time to think about our reactions and actions on the typical situations.
Maybe you don’t need expectations, dependency, botheration or care. Maybe you
are good enough for you. May be you learnt the lyrics of a new song, danced on
a happy sad song, drank a new wine or started a book which you wanted to read
for long. Maybe it is good to be alone for THREE NIGHTS.
