A bootcamp I will never forget

It was raining pitchforks, as I sat in my car contemplating what I should do next. I waited as time passed by slowly..15 minutes..20...25 minutes, and then I got out!

I put my nikes on and ran through the open field. At first, it felt all wet and boggy. I wasn’t sure what was driving me, but soon I stopped worrying about my clothes and shoes...I decided to just do it!

This was an event I had organised for my company, and it had just been 3 weeks since I started work here. I have joined Phyzo - an app that helps you to discover and connect with gyms and fitness studios near you and book a session by purchasing a day pass. No more 6-months-membership programme that I will probably use only a handful of times and then hate myself for wasting all that money. 

This event was inspired by the Indian Military Bootcamp and had a rigorous regimen. It was meant to start at 6:15 AM but I didn't see a soul when I got there. I feared the event was going to be a washout. 

A few more minutes passed, and lo and behold, I saw a few people entering the park like they were on a mission. I enquired if they were here for the camp. They responded with infectious fervour - 'Yes, we are!' It had begun.

After half an hour, the stupendous field of grass was full: people had lined up ten deep. They were not only willing but quite excited to go through this hardcore camp together. Everyone followed the trainer's instructions diligently, in the pouring rain, all while shouting at the top of their lungs, while having fun the entire time. The rain persevered, but so did we. It was 90 minutes of crunching our stomach, lunging, dragging our bodies through the wet ground and jumping as high as our tired quads could push us! 

Absolutely nothing was going to stop us! Not even the rain drops piercing our eyes, as we lay flat on our backs. We got up covered in mud and sweat but no one cared. By the end of it we all shared a sense of euphoria.

It was one of the the most exhilarating experiences I have ever been through. It was magical almost, liberating - for I did not care about the unfavourable circumstances; adrenalin had taken over. I can now proudly say that I have completed my first ever Military Boot Camp.

Things that make a difference in everyday living……Tried and Tested!

• Clean your handbag once in every week- parking stub, movie ticket, boarding pass, empty mineral water bottle, credit card slips, elastic bands- basically anything that is meant to make “use me” useful. It will help you clear your thoughts.

•  Clean your wardrobe every week- take out the unused clothes, give away those pants that don’t fit you anymore, donate the old sweaters and maintain separate files for clothing. The same stands for the drawers.

• Go out for a peaceful walk when you’re not feeling Okay. Likely situations- you’re confused, angry, nervous, and helpless. It helps you think clearly. If not, it just takes your mind off heavy stuff for some time.

•  Once in a while it’s good to detox your body and mind. Just have juices, salads, fruits and good thoughts the whole day and treat your body as a temple; mind as a Bodhi Tree.

• Go shopping but buy for somebody else instead. The handbag that your mom has been asking for, the make-up that your sister wants, the shirt that your brother will love, the dress material that your house help will appreciate. Just do it!

•  Make your bed, clean your bathroom, prepare your dinner, iron your clothes, buy groceries once in a while and spend time with yourself.

These things help me put my system in a system and helps me examine my own mental and emotional state. At the end, it feels good.

Make your own list :)

My life- the way I emote and live!

Stop overthinking. Not everyone is as good at expressing their thoughts. Not everyone is good at listening to yours. Not everybody is equipped with the same sensitivity socket.

Stop blaming your past, your childhood tragedy for your behavior in the present. Trust me it's just a way of telling people that you're a certain person because of what happened 10000 years ago; which might be true but not justifiable to everyone. 

Stop taking life too seriously. Start living. Parents will grow old. Siblings will no longer be your only secret keepers. Friends will have their own lives and KIDS. Everybody will change and get on with life so should you. 

People are there to respond to only happy thoughts and conversations. It only makes sense. Everybody has their own problems to deal with. Move on and stop claiming that you have the worst possible life and situations to deal with. 

Live on the dreams you have saved for tomorrow. Thrive on the oodles of joy you get because your younger brother just had a baby. Your cousin got engaged. Your baby sister passed out of college. Your best friend got proposed to. You got a promotion. Your roommate found a bigger and a better place for both of you. You planned a trip with your best friend. You slept peacefully last night. All this and more!

Last but not the least-

Don't be afraid to experience melancholy. Don't fear sadness and tearful heartache. Don't avoid being mad, upset and gloomy. 

Give yourself time to seep in these emotions but get up the next day/ moment and tell yourself you are ready to face the world without any inhibitions. You're ready. 

You are you and you have the right to feel the way you do when you do. You will still laugh hard, crack not-so-funny jokes and have a fucking awesome time at a Saturday night party. For real. 

I say-

Emotions are a part of me. An organ that helps me get along with life. 

I am not necessarily depressed when I cry to my heart's extent and I am not necessarily on ecstasy when I guffaw till my belly hurts. 

I just live. 

I am a non-emotive emotional duck

 I am a non-emotive emotional duck. 

Definitions:

Non-emotive- cold, don’t respond radically, stoic.

Emotional- characterized by intense feeling. 

Duck- I just sit on a problem like a duck.

So complex. These feelings are. So complicated. These emotions are. Fuck. What did we think? Was it easy to just get out of our mother’s womb and start living. What if I did not want to get out at all? Nobody asked me if I was ready.

I am a product of the marriage of a really happy giggly spirit and an insensitive thick-skinned soul. How am I supposed to turn out? A Happy/Warm/Sensible body of life ? Or a Tear-jerking lost energy? May be, a mess. Except that I am completely normal.

Yeah, sometimes I am a non-recognizable anthropoid. Sometimes a dumb clay of skin and veins. Sometimes a lost soul. Sometimes a non-emotive emotional duck.

Sometimes I go out for a nice meal, eat a dark chocolate, drink a nice wine, cry in my bed, wear my best pyajamas and dance funnily, sleep while watching a rom-com. 

Wake up in the morning to find my life absolutely normal. 

The cycle repeats, come full circle and I remain a non-emotive emotional duck. And, I thought that ‘change is constant’.

Cha Times!

Chai becomes very important after a really hard day at work. Even if the day is not hard enough tea is still needed to kill a long day. Chai wala is an essential property outside office edifices. In my office vicinity there are 2 chai walas who sit at a distance of 100 cms. They are pally and all but see how they create competition in the ecosystem.

One guy is huge with a handlebar moustache and wears a lungi (a usually checker drape worn below the waist level by men, particularly in southern India). The other guy is smaller always greeting his customers with a smile on his face. That’s how he steals my loyalty to his tea stall.

Now, I was just noticing their pull strategy. For convenience sake let’s call the Lungi guy Tea Stall #1, the Happy guy Tea Stall #2 and these numbers don’t denote rankings at all.

Now coming to their product offerings; let’s analyse them one by one:

Stall #1

Not that the products are any different in a tea stall but taste Oh yes! His tea is quite milky and lacks cardamom flavor. I don’t like cardamom so it works for me but milk oh no, I can’t bear the sight of a thick white looking milky tea- that is because it takes away all the authentic taste which a closer-to –black-tea has.

Stall #2 has a slightly better tea because it is cutting, highly aromatic, darker, and less milk. I would anyday prefer to go to him first. There is a time when he chooses to take a break and deny us the luxury of sipping a soothing cutting chai; then we are left with only the Lungi guy. He very happily makes the tea of my preference because in his mind he wants to shift my customer loyalty towards him instead. And, he makes every effort to do so.

For instance – one day in stall #2’s absence he went out of his way to make a sugar free tea. He had no milk and he sent a guy to get milk before he closes the stall for the day. I felt privileged. While my tea was made to perfection; I wanted to skip because he was taking too long. Since, he was sweet enough I couldn’t be a ruder.

While I was sipping the cutting chai peacefully he started selling his tea making skills. He bitched about the Happy Guy Tea Stall #2 and tried to convince me how his tea tastes authentic.

Arey madam jee aap roz udhar peete ho, hamari chai peekar dekho aapko maza ajayega aur aap mere paas hi ayoge hamesha. (you drink tea at the other stall every day, have it at my stall and you would always want to come back for the tasty chai).

I was like Hmm. May be. But next day when I saw the Happy Guy Stall #2 perched on this wooden flat stool I was ecstatic. I like an opportunist went to him simply ignoring the other guy. Maybe, he doesn't say anything but his customer service is what I get attracted to or maybe, his product which is my requirement.

Or maybe it is just OPIUM.

I’m in trouble! Help me please.

I consider myself lucky to be breathing, sitting up straight and writing this blog today. You ask me, why? Read this narrative.

I live in Delhi. I was invited for a party last evening by a friend to his relatively new bar where I have been avoiding to go for some time. Do you ask me, why is that? Ahem, for a couple of reasons. 

1. It's a different zone. Almost, 30 kms from where I live. Another part of the city.

2. Commuting alone becomes difficult.

I thought about it again yesterday. Even if it is that far, should I not make that effort of seeing his new place and congratulate him. I should. I wanted to go. Usually, in these cases I don't think so much. Just, fire up a cab service app and call for the nearest available cab. Hop on! Safe and economical- scream all the promotional messages.

Yesterday, I had to think more than I would usually do about traveling alone at a decent time. Now you would question that how do we define 'a decent time'? Well, a time when I know there is enough traffic on road and enough street lights gleaming on the silver paths. A time when I feel relatively safe.

I thought and re-thought. I decided to go. I ordered a cab, took some steps for guarding myself like giving the cab details to my friend, checking the driver's information before hopping on to it, opening the Google maps to be sure of the route and testing the panic button on the app. 

What next? I sat in the cab and the driver started talking to me. I ignored. 

I focused on the maps and was shuffling between looking outside the window and following it up with the maps.

To be really honest, I was petrified. At every turn the cab took, I thought about how this could go completely wrong. I did not take any calls in between so that I don't lose the track of the maps. I discredited every other man I saw in any other car who looked at me even for a micro second.

Now I ask you? How many days, weeks, months, years will it take for me to feel safe again? Will it ever happen? Will I always feel so insecure when I travel alone?

It is not about Delhi alone or about the cab services or about only Rapes. It is about everything that terrifies a woman to do things freely in this country. It is about how she should think twice before taking a cab alone at night or wear certain kind of clothes before going out, peep her way through the peephole to be sure of who is knocking at the door.

In today's world everybody talks about how independent a woman should be and if I ask my friends (boys) to drop me home, they tell  me to not to be dependent on boys anymore.

How much ever I want to be all by myself and be independent, the horrific incidents of molestation and rapes pulls me back to reality. The reality looks in to my eyes and says "you're a woman, deal with it". The recent incident is upsetting for various reasons. It has made me sad, frustrated and fearful to the core.

I would like to ask every man for help? Will you help me? Because you can. I am not ashamed of asking for help from you. You are the same men we choose as our husbands, friends and boyfriends. 

Shams of tabriz

"Intellect and love are made of different materials. Intellect ties people in knots and risks nothing, but love dissolves all tangles and risks everything. Intellect is always cautious and advises  'beware too much ecstasy' whereas love says 'oh, never mind! Take the plunge!' Intellect does not easily break down, whereas love can effortlessly reduce itself to rubble. But treasures are hidden among ruins. A broken heart hides treasures."

"Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings. Don't
ever take words at face value. When you step into the zone of love, language as we know it becomes obsolete. That which cannot be put into words can only be grasped through silence."