I’m in trouble! Help me please.

I consider myself lucky to be breathing, sitting up straight and writing this blog today. You ask me, why? Read this narrative.

I live in Delhi. I was invited for a party last evening by a friend to his relatively new bar where I have been avoiding to go for some time. Do you ask me, why is that? Ahem, for a couple of reasons. 

1. It's a different zone. Almost, 30 kms from where I live. Another part of the city.

2. Commuting alone becomes difficult.

I thought about it again yesterday. Even if it is that far, should I not make that effort of seeing his new place and congratulate him. I should. I wanted to go. Usually, in these cases I don't think so much. Just, fire up a cab service app and call for the nearest available cab. Hop on! Safe and economical- scream all the promotional messages.

Yesterday, I had to think more than I would usually do about traveling alone at a decent time. Now you would question that how do we define 'a decent time'? Well, a time when I know there is enough traffic on road and enough street lights gleaming on the silver paths. A time when I feel relatively safe.

I thought and re-thought. I decided to go. I ordered a cab, took some steps for guarding myself like giving the cab details to my friend, checking the driver's information before hopping on to it, opening the Google maps to be sure of the route and testing the panic button on the app. 

What next? I sat in the cab and the driver started talking to me. I ignored. 

I focused on the maps and was shuffling between looking outside the window and following it up with the maps.

To be really honest, I was petrified. At every turn the cab took, I thought about how this could go completely wrong. I did not take any calls in between so that I don't lose the track of the maps. I discredited every other man I saw in any other car who looked at me even for a micro second.

Now I ask you? How many days, weeks, months, years will it take for me to feel safe again? Will it ever happen? Will I always feel so insecure when I travel alone?

It is not about Delhi alone or about the cab services or about only Rapes. It is about everything that terrifies a woman to do things freely in this country. It is about how she should think twice before taking a cab alone at night or wear certain kind of clothes before going out, peep her way through the peephole to be sure of who is knocking at the door.

In today's world everybody talks about how independent a woman should be and if I ask my friends (boys) to drop me home, they tell  me to not to be dependent on boys anymore.

How much ever I want to be all by myself and be independent, the horrific incidents of molestation and rapes pulls me back to reality. The reality looks in to my eyes and says "you're a woman, deal with it". The recent incident is upsetting for various reasons. It has made me sad, frustrated and fearful to the core.

I would like to ask every man for help? Will you help me? Because you can. I am not ashamed of asking for help from you. You are the same men we choose as our husbands, friends and boyfriends.